Reflecting on resilience and growth through adversity: Thoughts from our director

Trigger warning: References to suicide and loss of parents

In the face of our hardest times, resilience becomes more than a concept; it becomes a force that shapes how we endure and emerge. Over the last two years, my resilience has been massively tested by a relentless series of hardships that, without solid wellbeing habits in place, might have left me rocking in the corner of a padded room. Even with a strong foundation in wellbeing strategies, I’ve faced emotional fatigue and periods of overwhelming uncertainty.

Reflecting on my journey, I see two pivotal periods of trauma. The first, in 2012, was a single event that nearly broke me; the second, spanning all of 2023 and 2024, was a series of crises that tested me in unexpected ways. Looking back, I recognise a stark contrast in my responses to each period. While both were unimaginably challenging, the work I put into recovering from the first trauma taught me the importance of daily wellbeing practices that enabled me to cope, adapt, and ultimately grow.

A single traumatic event and a struggle to cope

In 2012, a traumatic event left me in severe emotional distress, unable to cope effectively. Without the necessary tools, my mental health deteriorated rapidly, manifesting as panic attacks, depression, anxiety and agoraphobia. Flashbacks struck with the intensity of the original event, and sleep, once a refuge, became a battleground of nightmares that I would wake up from screaming, in a state of panic, unable to go back to sleep. In desperation, I turned to self-destructive coping mechanisms, misusing drugs and alcohol. Overwhelmed, I found myself contemplating and attempting to end it all.

A storm of crises, but with resilience

A decade later, life has delivered another wave of adversity, yet my response has been markedly different. Throughout 2023 and 2024, a succession of extraordinarily difficult events unfolded – here are just a few examples. My brother was kidnapped and held hostage for 19.5 months, during which I moved to Indonesia to support his family, stepping into the role of ‘dad’ during an emotionally turbulent time. My identity was stolen, landing me in debt collection for a bill that wasn’t mine. I spent nine days in an Indonesian ICU with pneumonia, and my immunity and lungs are still recovering; my travel insurance initially denied coverage but promptly reversed their decision. My mother passed away in August 2024 after a 20-year journey with Alzheimer’s (my brother was still captive), and my father followed two months later in October, following a series of strokes, just weeks after my brother’s release.

Despite the intense grief, financial strain and emotional burden, I navigated each crisis and was even able to support others – a complete contrast to how I coped with the previous trauma.

What changed? The power of proactive wellbeing

The key difference was the proactive approach I adopted after the first trauma. I committed to daily self-care practices that strengthened my mental and physical health, forming a foundation that prevented me from feeling overwhelmed. It’s essential to note that these routines didn’t erase the difficulty of these challenges, but they equipped me to process it constructively.

Resilience: Growth through adversity

A client recently reminded me of the saying, ‘Trees need wind to grow strong,’ which resonates deeply. Adversity, though unpleasant, is a powerful teacher, strengthening our roots and expanding our capacity to face future storms. Resilience, I’ve realised, is not simply enduring hardship but adapting, finding meaning and growing through it.

I’ve often shared a similar sentiment: ’Out of the greatest adversity comes the greatest growth.’ Hardship, while often dark, can lay the groundwork for transformation, teaching us about our capacity for strength, adaptability and compassion.

Adaptive resilience: Learning to adjust

When crises are prolonged or grow in intensity, even well-practised coping strategies need adaptation. Over the past two years of relentless challenges, I’ve been reminded of the importance of modifying my practices to meet changing needs. Here are some key lessons that stood out:

1. Maintain daily wellbeing practices: Regular habits create a foundation for resilience, but they need to evolve as situations change.
2. Practise self-awareness and reflection: In adversity, our needs change. What works one day may not the next. I learnt to let go of nonessential responsibilities and adapt my priorities to focus on what was most helpful in the moment. Self-awareness and reflection are critical to understanding what new strategies to adopt.
3. Develop new strategies: When crisis hits and our regular wellbeing habits aren’t enough, adjustment is required. For me, the addition of journaling has helped me unjumble my overwhelmed brain.
4. Ask for help: Sometimes, the mental load is too heavy to carry alone. During intense crisis, reaching out to loved ones or seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a way of staying resilient.

I can’t stress enough the need for adaptive wellbeing strategies. Finding the right practices for your current state is essential, especially when life’s challenges demand more than simple daily recharging.

Moving forward

I practise these wellbeing strategies as tools to face life’s challenges. Though more difficult times may come, I am stronger and better equipped than in 2012. Resilience, after all, is a journey – a continuous process of growth and adaptation. I encourage others to invest in their mental wellbeing before hardship strikes. Proactive resilience may not prevent the storms, but it helps us weather them with courage and compassion for ourselves and those around us.